Life After
by Iliveinnerdfighteria
Summary: Life after Cas fell has been hard on everyone. But no one can imagine just how hard life after can be.


Dean had always suspected Cas was a little suicidal since his fall, but things had spun out of control.

When the demon attacked he froze. He froze for one second. The only time in his entire life that he had done so, and Cas seized the moment, throwing himself in front of dean.

"Cas!" His name ripped out of deans throat, but his moment of panic had already cost him. The demon ripped through him, not even giving it a second thought, trying to get at the precious winchester boy.

Cas fell to the ground, the customary blood spatter that both hunter boys were used to now covered dean and the advancing demon.

"Dean!" Sam's panicked cry sounded from behind him. His brother didnt move to attack the demon, he simply stared at his fallen comrade.

A knife whistled past Dean's ear and imbedded itself in the chest of the demon that was almost upon him. Red Lightening flashed up and down the demons body and he fell, dead, at his feet.

But still he didn't move. He watched as the life slowly bled out of his best friend. And in his heart he knew there was nothing he could do, and he knew it was his fault.

He jumped as a hand fell onto his shoulder, turning to kill whoever it was, but he saw the concerned eyes of his brother instead. And he turned back away.

"Cas!" His gruff voice sounded panicked in his ears, "Cas, buddy, come on!" He knelt next to him roughly shaking his shoulders.

Cas' eyes opened momentarily, focusing on Deans' for a final time.

"I turned out to be a pretty horrible hunter."

And then he fell limp in deans arm, his last breath leaving him in a whoosh.

"Cas! Castiel! Don't you leave me here! CAS!" Dean's voice rose until he was screaming at the body he still held.

"Dean!" Sammy's voice of reason penetrated his grieving mind, "he's gone."

Ever so gently Dean laid Cas back on the ground, and stood. "Dean..."

"No. Sam. I can't. Just... Leave it alone."

Sam nodded, his lips pressed tightly together, and Dean walked out of the warehouse. The door clicked shut behind him, but it didn't block of the sound of Dean's scream. It made Sam flinch, and tears rose behind his eyes. That scream was the scream of a broken man. He knew that Dean had something twisted inside of him. It had been twisted so much, that he was completely irreparable. There was no going back from this. Neither of them would ever be the same again.

Sam looked down at Cas' body. He bent down and scooped it up into his arms. They couldn't just leave him here. He would be burned like a proper hunter, he would see to that. And Dean would be there, even if he had to drug him and drag him there.

Dean was no where to be found when Sam finally succeeded in opening the door. The impala sat where they had parked it hours before, semi hidden in the darkness.

"Dean!" Sam called into the night.

"I'm done with this, Sammy."

Sam turned to see Dean materialize around the corner, an unopened beer clutched in his white knuckles.

"With what?" He didn't want to hear the answer.

"Life. Do you know how many people we've lost Sam? Mom. Dad. Ellen. Jo. Bobby. Rufus. Lisa. Ben. I mean come on Sammy. It feels like God's finally tryin to even up the score. Takin people away from us for every innocent person we've gotten killed.

It's like Karmas finally caught up to us. What a beezy..."

Sam's arms started to shake with the effort of holding Cas' dead weight for so long.

"And I'm done Sammy. I'm done. I throwing in the towel. Hanging up the keys. I'm sick of losing people. I'm quitting while I still have you."

For once Sam didn't have anything to say. He watched his brother pass in front of him. He looked different. His shoulders were a little more stooped and his strides a little shorter. Nothing anyone else would have noticed. Except for maybe Cas. But Cas was gone now, nothing but dead weight in his arms.

Sam followed after on Dean's heels in silence. Neither of them had anything to say. There wasn't anything to say. They had both lost a good friend, and neither of them knew what to do about it.

They had the burning ceremony that same night before the sun rose in the morning. The flames danced into the sky, reaching for the soul of the man they devoured in their fingers.

Silent tears ran down sam's face, but Dean watched on with a hard face. He had no tears left to cry for his best friend. They had all been wasted on earlier deaths, lesser concerns, moments of weakness.

"Let's go, Sammy." His voice could barely be heard over the crackling of the fire.

Dean turned and almost walked straight into Crowley.

"Hello boys." Crowley leered at them, shadows dancing across his face.

Sam whipped around, "Crowley?" He asked incredulously.

"Long time no see." His smile was all wolf as he circled them.

"What brings you our way?" Dean asked, his eyes following him around the circle.

"Sorry, boys, just following orders." And suddenly a gun appeared in his outstretched hands. Sam immediately lifted his hands in a surrender, "woah. Crowley. Take it easy."

Dean didn't move. His hands still dangled at his sides.

"Who's orders are you following nowadays? You've switched sides so many times I haven't been able to keep track."

"No one you should worry your pretty little head about. You'll be dead whether you know who had you killed or not. The precious apocalypse has been thwarted, the apocrypha's over. God can't possibly have any more plans for you. I'm gonna kill you, and you're gonna stay dead this time."

Sam fumbled over his words, "Wait... Crowley..."

But he'd already pulled the trigger, and everything around him faded to black.

"Not so tough without your ace gang are ya tiger?" Crowley continued his circling, Dean now the center of it, "you know, I'm really gonna enjoy this. Do you know how many of my men you two monkeys have killed? How many of my plans you've thwarted? I've lost every stinkin' acre of purgatory because of you two denim-wrapped nightmares. And now. Little Dean Winchester. The Righteous Man. Left all by his lonesome. Not even gonna put up a fight at his death. It's pathetic. You take away you brother and your little pet angel and what are you? Nothin but a little boy, trying to make his precious daddy proud. Well I've got a little secret for ya. I've paid a few visits to your daddy downstairs. Still hangin around if you know what I mean. And do you know what he's had to say about you. Your daddy isn't proud of you. He never was and he never will be. His eldest son, the instigator of the apocalypse. Couldn't even last 40 years on the rack. He can't stand you. And now, you're gonna die. And you're gonna go right back where you were pulled from all those years ago. Side by side with Alistair. He says he misses you Dean. He can't wait to show you some new techniques he's picked up. So what d'ya say we get this show on the road. Any last words?" Crowley stopped, the gun against Dean's forehead. The metal was cool on his burning skin as he looked into the demon's black eyes.

"Bite me."

Crowley smiled one last sinister smile and pulled the trigger.

When the light finally penetrated the suffocating darkness, the first thing Dean saw was Sam's shaggy mane of hair.

"Dean?" His brothers voice was soft.

He sat up and Sam pulled him to his feet.

"So. D'you think Crowley was right? Think we're dead for good this time?" Sam's voice bordered on reverence.

"I dunno, Sammy. But what I do know is that we sure as hell aren't in hell right now. And I'm gonna enjoy heaven while I can. Lets get movin. I've gotta go find Ash."

The scenery around them was unfamiliar to Dean, but he saw Sam looking around as if seeing a friend he thought he'd lost a long time ago.

"Oh yeah. I forgot. We have to follow the yellow brick road again. We're in one of your heavenly memories now then aren't we?"

Sam just smiled and shook his head.

"What's so special about this place anyway? Another moment away from me and dad?" Dean tried to keep the betrayal out of his voice.

Suddenly a young Sam ran in front of them both, he couldn't have been more than 7 or 8, followed quickly by a teenage Dean and middle aged Bobby.

"Don't run so far ahead ya idjit! I'm not as young as i used to be. I can't throw that far!"

"I'm open!" Young Sam yelled his arms stretched into the air. A football whistled from Bobby to Sam, who caught it clumsily against his chest and then looked beamingly at Dean.

"Nice catch, Sammy." Past Dean smiled.

Dean looked over at his fully grown brother. Sammy watched the exchange with contentment in his eyes. When he'd watched his fill, he turned to his brother,

"Come on, Dean." They both turned away from the ball game and walked along the highway.

It was time for Dean's memory. They soon came across a yellow house on the never ending highway. Dean knew it well. It was what their childhood house had looked like before the fire. Everything was peaceful inside. As the door swung open, Dean knew exactly where to go. The brothers climbed the steps from the living room and entered into the room of young 3 year old Dean.

"...take a sad song and make it better..." Their mother's voice rang clear from the bed where she lay with her young son curled into her side.

Both boys watched intently as their mother sang her lullaby, and as young dean fell asleep in her arms.

"She always sang us that song. She didn't believe in conventional lullabies. She always said they sounded too sad." Dean's voice was slightly choked. He watched his mom slowly rise from the bed so she didn't wake him, and then tiptoe across the room. They followed her into the hallway where they were startled to find John leaning against the wall, waiting for her. Mary's face lit up at the sight of her husband.

"Have I ever told you how beautiful you are when you sing?" John wrapped his hands around his wife's waist. She smiled up into his face, leaning up for a kiss.

"Oh. Ok. Lets go Sammy." Dean tuned away from his kissing parents and retreated down the stairs and out the door, Sam close on his heels.

"How long's it gonna take for Ash to find us?" Dean asked, mostly to himself.

"Hey Dean?" Sam asked.

"Yeah? What?"

"How long do you think this is gonna go on? I mean, last time there was a light we were supposed to follow, wasn't there? Where's the light?"

Dean just kept walking, "Dunno Sam. I'm not one to question it. I'm just gonna keep walking until Ash finds us."

"How do you know he will?"

Dean chuckled a little to himself, "Because. We're important meat. The angels are gonna be buzzin about our death. And if the angels are buzzin, Ash is gonna hear about it. And then he'll come lookin. He always does."

Sam stayed quiet. The sun rose quickly over his next memory. The impala was parked on the side of the road. Inside were two boys. As Sam and Dean approached, they saw that they were crouched around the door, both of them with a pocket knife clutched in their hands.

Two half formed scratches reading SW and DW were appearing in the backing of the door, behind the peeled back cover.

"Won't he be mad, Dean?" Young Sam asked.

"Not if he never finds out." Young dean smiled mischievously, "so lets get this done before he comes back and drops us at some hotel."

They both went back to vigorously carving their initials into the only home either of them remembered.

"I underestimated you Sammy." Dean said quietly.

Sam furrowed his eyes in confusion, "what?"

"I didn't think you'd have any memories of when we were kids. You seemed pretty bent on getting out of the life."

Sam stood quietly, watching the memory for a moment, "I never wanted to stay in the life, but I never wanted to leave you guys. Dad made sure that there was no in between there. I either had you and the life or I was on my own and free. I chose my freedom. That doesn't mean that I liked every part of it."

Dean opened his mouth to reply but before he could speak, a voice spoke up behind them,

"I hate to break up this beautiful moment here, but I'm here."

Both brothers spun around to see the sarcastic smile of Ash.

"Oh thank Cas' dad, I wasn't sure if you were gonna show." They both exchanged a quick manly hug.

"I always show. All 257 times that you've died I've found you. Nice to see you again, Sam." Sam nodded his acknowledgement.

"Well, what d'you boys say we get movin. There's a lot of people here that wanna see you. They're all waitin back at my place." And with this he turned around walked into the empty field that ran along the side of the highway, away from the impala. Both boys turned and took one last look at themselves. They were now trying to get the cover back over the door. Before they turned and followed Ash off the road.

Ash's bar appeared out of no where. One moment they were walking in a completely empty never ending field, and the next, they were walking up the steps and into a bar that seemed almost familiar to the two boys.

Inside was the most startling sight for both of them.

Inside was every single person they'd ever lost. Some of them they had gotten killed and some of them they had saved. Some of them were family and others were people they had just met briefly. But as the boys walked into the room, every voice went silent, and every eye turned toward them.

Complete silence fell over the room.

The first one to speak was Bobby, "Good to see you ya idjits." He pulled both of them into a bone crushing hug. "Ya done good boys."

After Bobby broke the silence, everyone began to talk again, conversations starting up all across the bar. Bobby pulled back, staring at the faces of the two stunned boys he practically raised.

"Who are all these people, bobby?" Dean sounded on the edge of panic.

"They're all here for you two ya idjit. To thank you."

Ellen and Jo approached next. "I've missed you boys. You went and got yourselves killed again? Hopeless without us." Ellen gave them each a tight hug.

Jo gave Sam a quick hug, "good to see you again Sam." Sam smiled as best as he could in his dazed state. And Jo turned to Dean. "Dean." She smiled, "always wrong time, wrong place with us." Dean smiled a sort of sad smile. "But now's the perfect time." Jo hooked her arm around dean's neck, pulling him down to her level and giving him a fiery kiss. When she finally released him, Dean just stood staring. Jo pulled back and punched him hard in the jaw, snapping him out of it.

"What was that for?!" He demanded, rubbing his sore jaw.

"That was for getting us killed."

"That's... That's fair... I'm so sorry Jo."

"I'm good. Heaven's not so bad you know... Especially when you've got connections like Ash."

Dean smiled again.

The next hour passed in a blur for the two brothers. They spoke to every single person in the bar. Each one had a different memory associated with them. Each one loosening a different knot of guilt in the boys' chests. By the time they had made it across the bar, only the important people remained. Bobby and Ellen sat in the corner, talking and laughing without a care in the world. Ash and Jo were behind the bar experimenting with drinks and then sending them to random people across the room.

"Ya know Sammy?" Dean spoke, the two of them alone for the first time since they'd gotten there, "we did pretty good for ourselves." Sam smiled at his brother, but it froze when a voice spoke up from behind them.

"I'm so proud of you. My boys." They turned slowly. They both knew the moment she spoke who it was, even though Sam had been just 6 months when she died. She stood in front of them. Not a day over 35. Her golden hair falling over her shoulders in waves. There wasn't a more beautiful face in all of heaven.

"Mom..?" Sam's voice was almost a whisper.

Mary smiled softly, "hi, Sammy. You've both grown into such handsome young men. Your daddy raised you well."

Dean covered the distance between them in one stride and pulled her into a hug. A single silent tear fell from his cheek onto her hair. Neither of them spoke as he held her, not wanting to let go, and watch her disappear.

"It's ok Dean. I'm not going anywhere." Her voice was muffled in his chest. He let her go, stepping aside to let Sam get his fill.

Ash approached, "sorry boys, couldn't swing it to get your daddy here."

"That's ok, Ash." Sam answered, releasing his mom, "thanks for this by the way."

"Hey, I was looking for an excuse to party. You just have me the perfect scape goat."

Dean looked around, trying to catch a glimpse of dark hair and a trench coat.

"Ash, can you find someone for me?" He asked.

"Sure. Who?"

"His name's Castiel. There should be all kinds of scoop on 'im. He used to be an angel."

Ash's eyes flashed in recognition, "oh yeah. That dude came in a few hours before you two. Just about blew up my feed. He a friend of yours?"

Both boys nodded.

"I'll see what I can do."

"Thanks Ash." Sam said.

They turned back to their mother.

"Listen boys. We can catch up later. Go help Ash. I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

They were reluctant to leave. But she smiled, "go. I'll be right here when you get back."

Ash found Cas in a matter of minutes. "I dunno boys, he's pretty well protected. Getting him out may be tricky."

The boys looked at each other, "just get us there Ash. We'll get him out. You have something flat we can borrow? Like a book or something? And a knife."

Ash didn't even question the unusual order. He'd spent enough time in that hunter bar to know there was a time and place for questions, and now was not then.

"Ok. This is the door. You get out there, grab him, and get back to the door. Do it quick. I can only keep a door in one place for about 15 minutes, I'll be watching to make sure you get back in time."

Dean almost laughed.

"Don't worry Ash. We won't be there that long."

Ash raised an eyebrow, "You're a cocky s.o.b. aren't you? I can respect that."

Sam gripped the knife tight, cutting across his forearm, blood welled from the cut.

"I don't normally ask questions, but what the heck are you guys up to?"

Sammy gathered the blood on his index fingertip.

"Stick around and you'll see. We've got a few tricks up our sleeves."

Ash just shook his head, "let me know when you're ready to go."

A few minutes later they stood in front of the door. "I gotta say. I'm kind I excited to see what you two psychos have planned."

The brothers just laughed and opened the door.

Angels were everywhere. Their wings overlapped each other as they were packed side by side in the open field that was Cas' heaven. None of them noticed them as the brothers stepped out of the doorway. They were all focused on something in the middle of the pack. Sam and Dean didn't even stop to see what it was. Sam slapped his bloody hand on the middle of the book, completing the rune and the angels disappeared in a flash of light.

They heard Ash's impressed whistle sound from behind them, but Dean was already running.

"Cas!" Cas stood in all his tax accountant glory.

"Dean...?" But he didn't get the entire question out. Dean pulled him into a hug.

"Dang it Cas! What the heck is wrong with you?! Did you even care about is?! Going and getting yourself killed!" He pulled back and punched him on the shoulder hard.

Cas stared completely dumbfounded at his friend. "Dean. What are you doing here?"

Sam answered as he approached, "Crowley killed us."

"Crowley?" Cas asked, ever calm.

"Yeah it sucks. What was with the angel brigade? Are they guarding you or something?"

"No. My former brothers and sisters were debating on whether I can have my grace restored to me or not."

The two brothers froze, "oh sorry we sent them away. We weren't sure whether they would let us take you or not..."

"It's ok. They had already come to a decision. Those who were left were just saying goodbye."

Dean inspected Cas' face for signs of sadness.

"Are you okay?"

"I wasn't. But now I have you guys. I think it's a fair trade."

"Dang straight!" Dean slapped him on the back, "come on. I'll buy you a drink."

Cas almost smiled, "even an alcoholic in heaven."

"Always have been. Always will be."

The two brothers flanked the former angel as they walked back towards ash.

"Ash, Cas. Cas this is Ash."

They shook hands briefly before they entered through the door and back into Ash's bar.

They steered Cas away from the counter first, and over to the back of the bar where their mom sat conversing with Bobby.

Dean felt like a little kid bringing a new friend home from school as he said, "mom? This is Castiel. He's been the angel on our shoulder."

Mary turned and smiled her beautiful smile.

"Hello Castiel. It's such a pleasure to meet you." She offered her hand and Cas grabbed ahold of it. "Mrs. Winchester. It's good to meet you as well." Mary pulled him into a hug, their hands between them, "thank you for taking care of my boys for me." There were tears in her eyes as she released him.

"It's a two way street. They've been taking care of me as well, much better than I could ever care for them."

Dean scoffed.

And in that moment everything was perfect. They had their family together again. And while John may have been missing, they had Bobby and Jo and Ellen to fill the hole.

And in the wise words of Bobby Singer, "Family don't end with blood."


End file.
